A child’s primary function is to explore and discover who they are. Playing a supportive role to their discovery means being mindful of their growth phase and changing needs. Remaining receptive, mindfully kind in all your affairs, and careful not to personalize your child’s anger, because they are doing their best, and it’s enough. The more kind your child’s environment, the freer they are to develop a love of learning, cultivating their art form, and pursuing skill sets that make them happy.

Personally modeling integrity and accountability, shows your child that you are also doing your best. And sometimes, when our best isn’t enough, it doesn’t mean we failed. There are still other opportunities to own a mistake, apologize, and make amends. Then when your child makes a mistake, then show them it’s still possible to have great integrity and do the right thing. Tell them how proud and appreciative you are that they care about doing the right thing.

Over-reactive parenting leads children to more intense negative emotions and poor behavior. In research conducted across 361 families, modeling self regulation, confidence, and firm boundaries helped kids to know that there are always workable solutions for both parties. This helps them to work through things constructively as opposed to over-reacting as a habit.

Empowering your child’s creativity by allowing them to get messy, and experiment is important for engaging their innovative thinking skills. Emphasizing playful process over productivity helps affirm the value of the journey rather than productivity. A deeply flawed premise that most us suffer from: “The more you do, the more you’re worth.” You can make a difference in keeping your child’s inherent value separate from any production process.

Kids are very perceptive, and if your affirmations are constantly non-specific, they eventually question themselves, because they feel short on concrete examples of their value.  Your specific and timely affirmations make a huge difference in the way your child views themselves and how they step into their power. When they exhibit outstanding behavior, it’s important to acknowledge that before the end of the day is over. Slow down and fully express why you appreciate their choices and actions to be kind, brave, or not retaliate because it could cause more danger. Tell them exactly why that’s the most intelligent thing anyone can do in that scenario.

Because children are easily overwhelmed, angry voice tones are damaging. Always approach them with calm respectful tones, with empathy for their limited view of things, especially when setting limits. As much as possible give them respectful explanations of why you need their cooperation. This makes it easier for them to transition. “Hey, I know you like chasing this one kid around, but they are getting tired and need a break, can we swing or find other kids to play with?”

Our kids are easily confused and overwhelmed by their own emotions, growing pains, and energy fluctuations. They don’t know when they are about to crash from exhaustion. Structure is good for them and us. The reassurance that a parent is protectively in charge, and helping the child understand and master the routine builds their sense of personal security. As they grow up, different growth stages will require modification, but as long as your child understands the core ‘why’ as being for their benefit, there will be fewer power struggles.

We know it takes mindful courage and innovation to resist the impulses of scheduling too much for ourselves and our children. Decide as a family what makes up a ‘Can’t Be Bothered Day.’ Perhaps fundamental ground rules apply such as: No scheduled appointments, no electronics, and a 24 hour peace treaty for any family members who have unresolved issues. Maybe a picnic, hammock cuddling, or making a paper mache of a rare animal together are allowable activities.

Families need a variety of rituals, from annual camping trips to everyone eating together for one meal a day. Connection rituals are sometimes seasonally based and something everyone looks forward to. Such as a harvest festival in the fall and making hot cider together. Family meetings with established etiquette on practicing constructive responses make a difference by including everyone and allowing them to be heard.